Lordy.

So I'm on hold. I'm bored out of my skull and trying desperately to distract myself from this music in my ear. I like 40s music much of the time, but there's only so many soaring strings and soulful saxophones I can stand, especially when I'm already pre-disposed to irritation. "Tea for Two" was just on, I swear, and that's from 1925 (the link version rocks - I love the Gershwin quote in the middle). My neck hurts from trying to hold onto the phone and do some work at the same time so I don't just sit here like a cud-chewing cow.

I just don't idle well.

Anyway, I've spent the last hour and a half trying to renew the subscription for my anti-virus software. The disembodied Voice From God has just finished informing me, for the third time, that I shouldn't hang up. If I do, I'll lose my place in line.

Really? Imagine that.

My Norton subscription is due up in a couple of weeks. One would think they would make it easy for a person to pay them money, but no. Firstly, I did what an intelligent, 21-st century kind of person does: I went to their website. After wading through their numerous efforts to get me to upgrade and sign up for a mailing list, I tried to purchase a subscription for what I currently have.

Three times.

So I got on the live chat, waited in queue almost 15 minutes, and then spent another 25 trying to get through to Balaji that I had already tried what he was telling me to try, it wasn't working, and that's why I was chatting with him. His solution?

Try again.

Isn't that a definition of insanity, trying something over and over again and expecting different results?

So, after I'd tried a grand total of two more times, he suggested I call customer service. What a guy. Nice enough, but not real creative.

So here I am, in a queue of who-knows-how-long, listening to a combination of muted trumpets and the Golden Strings on Valium, periodically interrupted by the stern instruction to Not Hang Up, Because If You Do the World Will Surely Escape From Orbit and Crash Into the Sun.

Later...

15 minutes on hold, 15 minutes alternately talking to Tony and more hold - at least, I think that was his name. Indian accent was pretty strong. Tony gave me another hard sell to upgrade, but finally took my information and said he'd order the upgrade for me. He told me to look for an e-mail.

I just received it.

To be more specific, I just received two e-mails. Some imbecile ordered the thing twice.

I think I may need to go beat on something.