Just been idly dinging around today. Heading 'cross state lines tomorrow to visit B and go to Much Ado About Nothing at an outdoor theatre near there. We go every year to see some play or the other, generally Shakespeare, generally a comedy. Will be good to see B. Haven't seen her son or hubby in a while, so that will be fun too. They have a blog so I do get to see pictures, which is cool. Whatever did parents do before the Internet?

It occurred to me that this will be my first time in that state since moving back. It's been a year since I've been there. That's the longest stretch of time in about 15 years.

I'm not quite sure how to take that.

I mean, when I lived there, part of me always felt like an outsider, not native, like I didn't belong. Like I wanted to move back here. And now the shoe's on the other foot. I'm finding myself missing things more than I thought I would. It's just a little weird. How am I going to feel, crossing the bridge over the river that forms the border between the two states? I always used to feel just a little down, leaving here to go back there. Reading that "Thanks for visiting!" sign just before I crossed the border, leaving my former home to go back to my new home... And now... will I feel a little down, going the other direction?

I still flip the wrong switch half the time when I go into the kitchen. In my old apartment, the kitchen light switch was on the far side of the door. Here, it's on the near. I dig in the wrong drawer, looking for stuff. I sometimes get a little disoriented, waking up from sleep. I forget that there's no longer a Walgreen's within walking distance and I can no longer get the beer I like. The politics are a bit different. The feel is a bit different. Yet the same, all at the same time.

Half of me wonders if I'm going to feel like this for another 15 years. Neither fish, nor fowl. I guess my life has just felt... temporary, somehow. Incomplete. For a long time.

I'm not quite sure what that means.