Ugh.

Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rave at close of day
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

HA!

I'm beat. Been a slave for animals of the two legged and four legged persuasion for 12 hours straight, including over lunch. Adding getting ready this morning (more slaving - 4 legged), it's about 14 on my feet and running. This is the first time I've had to myself all day.

Taking care of the cats of some neighbors while they're out of town. They (the cats) are runners, so I've got a contraption set up in front of the door so they at least have to leap before they can get out. It looks ridiculous, but has worked so far. They (the neighbors) are... interesting... *sigh* I'm calling it my corporeal work of mercy. Sometimes spiritual. Depending. Anyway, they're nice cats, and it's fairly little fuss. Just time. Between that and feeding and changing the litter of my own two, it's been a long day.

Very late at work tonight. About 4 hours overtime. 'Cepting I don't get paid overtime. Anyway. I just couldn't get anything to work. Printed some stuff and it took me an hour to get it, between the printer being out of paper and people needing me. Couldn't get the laptop to work, then couldn't get the wireless to work. Couldn't eat, drink, hit the restroom due to people asking questions, needing to speak with me, etc. Man. Luckily I was able to leave 2 hours earlier than I was supposed to. My colleagues are there as we speak. Something to be said for exchange time.

Various blather

Duh. Duh. And more Duh.

*sigh*

On the job front, I received my full time contract yesterday. So I'm OK. Still don't know exactly what I'll be doing in a couple of months, but I have a full time job for certain. I cannot begin to communicate the feeling of relief when I opened my mail yesterday afternoon.

Went serious power shopping yesterday with M to help her get ready for her cruise. We stopped at three places before we even got to the mall, and then we went hard core. My dogs gave up barking a long time ago in order to lay down and die. Happily, I have finally managed in my old age to get the concept of window shopping. I got out of this deal about $3 poorer - a lunch bag, as the old one is finally trashed after about 8 years. Am rather proud of my new-found frugal ways. Here's hoping I can manage to hang on to them; with gas prices the way they are, everything is increasing except my salary.

Nothingness, really

More proof that people have no clue - I now know everything about the spat a neighbor of mine is having with her boyfriend, as does everyone else on the block. Don't have your phone conversations on the deck in a courtyard at 10 p.m., honey. And many of us would appreciate it if you'd stop dropping the f-bomb every other word.

I'm not so fond of sports in general, but the recent US Open was astounding. Wow. Occasionally, I get a glimpse of why people obsess over these things... Baseball, however, is an exception. Am heading to a game tomorrow and apparently the tickets are to the point I'd be bringing my glove if I had any idea where it was. Can't wait for the dog. Yummers.

Today was a tad entertaining. After work met a friend for coffee that I rarely get to see and then went to M's for dinner, so that was cool. M and I have decided we need to be on a diet kick, so that'll be a blast, I'm sure. Hate that crap. But.

Work today and tomorrow will be joyous - putting a bunch of data together for the Board. I spent much of today crunching numbers, which sure as heck ain't my favorite. Interesting, the data. But the number crunching part sucks. But again, it's a job. I can pay rent and buy cat food.

Flooding is bad for many of my friends. We've been lucky - nothing here. My former apartment is underwater at least a little bit - can't quite tell from the photos. My decision to move is looking better and better...

Nothing to say, really, just figured I should update. Best hit the sack. Morning has come a little too early these past few.

Not much new

Not much new; it's nice outside for a change but I gather it's supposed to rain again this afternoon. Rain, rain, rain. But we haven't had problems with flooding as opposed to a fair amount of the surrounding terrain, so I need to just shut up.

Glad it's nice so far as it's Trench today and it sucks when Trench weather isn't up to snuff. There's likely to be Wii later tonight as well, which is always good for a laugh or two.

Spent a fair bit of time at work this past week, mainly doing training and going over test results. Not terribly exciting, but I got paid, which is always good. My colleagues were entertaining, which is also a plus. Learned a fair bit in a technology training session and got some ideas about some stuff I can do for an organization that I'm a board member of, so that was worthwhile. That and our trainer was terribly entertaining.

M and I got pedicures this past week, which was a good time. We had them done at a cosmology school, which makes the price a bit more within reach. We meandered around the mall for a while as well. Nice sale at Bath and Body Works.

Heading to a ball game on Tuesday, which will be fun although I'm sure they'll lose. Been that kind of season. Haven't hung out with that group of friends in a while, though, so it will be a good time. Headed on a road trip a few days later to visit a college roommate. Going to be a total girl thing, which will be a good time.

Best get moving so I'm not too late to Trench...

SOTD, job update, heckuva good story

• Song Of The Day: Dimming of the Day

I had forgotten how much I like this. It's just lovely. Simple and sweet and lovely. B gave me a mix tape many years ago with Bonnie Raitt's recording on it. I'd somehow never heard it before. I was reminded of it today as I heard bits of this week's PHC - go to their website to catch Ms. Raitt and what I believe is the composer himself singing the song live: http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/. That girl's got some pipes.

PHC is a grand gift to humanity. It's so good to know the old time radio variety show still exists. And with music to rock anyone's world. I laugh, I cry. Every week.

Anyway, back to SOTD: The song was written by Richard Thompson and first recorded by him in 1975, I think.
Lyrics and suchlike here: http://www.richardthompson-music.com/song_o_matic.asp?id=74

• Job update:

I found out as of Friday that I am going to be full time. My job is changing in ways I don't care for much at all, but I'll be able to pay rent and buy cat food. I have no reason to complain: we're losing 34 folks from our building alone. 34. Out of something like 70-80. Granted, some are transfers and a few are retiring, but... 34.

We had a big breakfast meeting at the OCB on Friday and among other things, my boss asked all leaving to stand and be recognized and thanked for all they've done. She read off the names of everyone who was leaving. It sounded like she was reading off a list of war dead. God. And then to make the comparison even more unfortunately apt, they showed a PowerPoint with pictures of all those leaving with some sappy song as the soundtrack. Luckily for me, the song contained Willie Nelson, so I was able to keep some perspective. Still, not my favorite meeting ever.

This whole thing has sucked for months now and even though I finally have some vague clue what's happening, it's going to continue to suck. It's just going to suck in ways I don't yet fully comprehend.

Anyway.

Not totally related, but as the job is much slower in the summer I've spent the weekend coming up with a list of summer projects. It's huge. I get so little done during the other months. Finally thought of a decent way to describe my job. Nine months of the year I belong to other people. Three months I belong to myself.

And, well, it's closer to 9 1/2 and 2 1/2, but that's another thing.

• So here's the best story I've had for quite a while.

Several of us went out after work on Thursday. We went out after work on Wednesday too, but I digress. Anyway. We started at an establishment on campus, had a couple of coneys and then wandered across the street for a fishbowl. Life was good - hey, we weren't at work. We hopped back into our cars to drive maybe 1/2 mile south to yet another establishment. It was closed, but the biker establishment next door was open, so we wandered in. What nice people. A bit of a townie (not in the British sense) place - everyone knew each other's names, they had pull tabs, everything was dirt cheap - but we like that kind of place. Everyone was terribly friendly, including our waitress.

So for whatever reason, J and K wanted to do pull-tabs. I tend to avoid that sort of thing as Throwing Money Down A Rat Hole Which I Can Ill Afford, but what the heck, it does go to charity, and we were celebrating. K calls pull-tabs "paper crack," which is easily the best definition I've ever heard. Anyway. We all chuck in a few bucks, J goes over to the booth which is in every townie establishment I've ever been in, and brings back the paper crack.

We begin to pull. Papers litter the table. I'm all proud of myself as I've pulled a couple of $2 winners, even a $4. K pulls one or two winners as well. Then J says, "Oh my God."

What? What?

He just pulled a $599 pull tab.

Then K and I say "Oh my God." ARE YOU JOKING?!? He shows us. He wasn't joking.

No. Way.

We promptly started squealing, high-fiving, taking pictures, and calling and texting everyone we could think of. We could hardly believe it. What were the chances?

So I am now approximately $200 richer than I once was, and contemplating how best to spend my windfall. K got a massage. J is considering spending it on gas, which I hope I nipped in the bud. I mean, really. At least get gas for your boat, for Jah's sake. And me? Idunno as of yet. My mother suggested a new vacuum. I, of course, laughed.

Our day continued with a trip on the light rail in the rain, more food, more drink, and a game of Candyland. In Spanish.

It was a good day.

Playing Monopoly

I can't wait 'till Friday. Oh boy.

So my boss gave a few of us an exchange day for a massive project for which we put in a bunch of time back in February. In two lousy days, well 1 1/2 now, we're using our Get Out of Jail Free cards and blowing this popcorn stand.

(How many more metaphors can I mix in one sentence?)

The plan involves drinking, eating, and boating, not necessarily in that order. Friday is supposed to be 75 and sunny. Can we say hallelujah? So lunch today was spent watching deleted scenes from The Office and making a list of who is bringing what. I've got the honey peanut butter Cheerios thingies. Yum.

On the job scene, I'm still in a bit of a holding pattern, although it's not as bad as it was. I know I have a job now, at least; the 80% thing has been officially offered. Now it's just a matter of waiting 'till they determine if it can actually be full time. About once every two days there's a new scenario; most recent one is my job remains precisely the same. One can hope.

Just a note in the You Get What You Pay For department - don't buy $3.99 wine from Trader Joe's. I love Joe's for most things, but sometimes... *whew* I need to learn how to make vinegar.

Have also been determining summer plans. Have several work things plus a trip to OH to see a friend, so there's potential for some amusement. Only wish gas prices weren't so high. Jumped about 20 cents today. Also figured out I get a lousy 20 per gallon, on a good week. WTH? Should be more than that, with my car...

Yet another work update

Holy crap, I tell you, it is Bee-you-tea-full out there. 79 degrees, sunny, a slight breeze. Just about perfect. Finally.

Big work thing yesterday that went quite well; better than pretty much all the participants thought it would. And it's over, so there's one less project for me to complete. Yay! Another big thing this weekend - a bit of a party, I suppose one could call it. Bought a dress for the event today at a new consignment shop - $16, baby. Yeah.

Side note: saw a guy today with the skyline of Minneapolis tattooed on the back of his forearm. Interesting choice.

As for work, I've been officially offered the 80% position. Unofficially, I might be full time. There's still hope. I'm a little nervous as I'm thinking that what I've been told is likely to happen won't - I suspect the person who told me what she's shooting for hasn't taken into account what other folks are likely to want. Ah well.

More Copious Whining

So here's the latest.

Found out Tuesday, finally, that I was going to have the opportunity to apply for my own job, more or less, only at about 80% of the hours and therefore 80% of the salary. Yay!

(read that little exclamation as you will)

The application process includes such questions as what technology I'm comfortable with and uploading my resume, transcripts, and letters of recommendation. Don't we already have those on file? And my address and phone as well? *sigh* So it's an awful lot of busy work. Not so thrilled. But some job is better than no job, and that's where I once was.

Rumor has it that I might get really lucky and be offered 100%. It may be different than what I'm currently doing, but again, a job is a job. As long as the checks don't bounce and my rent can be paid and I can buy cat food.

But this whole going-on-three-months-of-terrifying-uncertainty thing is getting a wee bit old. This year has been hellish enough. Let's not add to it, shall we?

More stupid work talk, etc.

Meetings all day today and the only thing I got out of it was sympathy. No solid word yet. Am pretty disgusted with the lack thereof, to tell the truth. Rather startling thing that came out at a staff meeting was that once they figure out what jobs are still left, they will be posted externally. WTF? This means we need to apply for our own jobs?!?!? We were told we'd be automatically given a position if one was available. Lovely. Just lovely. I am definitely starting to feel screwed over, and I can't say as I like it.

Been thinking more on how I can economize and what I need to live on. I hate this. I've been out of college how long now? How much hard work? How much job experience? I shouldn't have to think like this.

I'm not normally this cynical and depressing, I swear.

Today marks exactly ten years since the downfall of Lord Voldemort. That's just about the coolest thing in the universe. Yay for The Boy Who Lived.

Tonight went to a theatrical production, a company of six teen actors that wrote most of the play themselves in collaboration with a teaching artist. I was extremely impressed. For junior high kids, they were well spoken, funny, moved well, were self possessed, and just generally kicked some serious butt.

Friend of mine and I were chatting about this lovely economy and she said that the budget that she and her husband have for gas is higher than their student loan payments. Oh yeah, no, we're not in a recession.

HEY! ATTENTION ALL THOSE IN CHARGE OF THESE THINGS!


THIS IS NOT GOOD!

And how on earth do you think a federal gas tax vacation will help? That'll save what, 18.4 cents per gallon? Current average is $3.48 in my area. So now I'm paying what, $3.30 at best, assuming prices don't go up even more? Ooooo..... Dude, news flash here: Cub coupons will pick that up for you.

My car has a 16.5 gallon tank. I fill up about 3 times a month. Let's do a little math, shall we?

• 16.5 gallons x $3.48 per = $57.42 per fill up x 3 fill ups = $172.26 per month

(Jayzus. Shouldn't have done that math. The truth hurts. Yeowch.)

• 16.5 gallons x $3.30 per = $54.45 per fill up x 3 fill ups = $163.35 per month

That makes for a grand total saved of...
(drum roll, please)

• $8.91

Now, I'm simplifying the math a tad as I don't go down to empty before I fill, so I actually spend a little less on gas. And $8.91 is $8.91. But really. It's like the tax rebate. What am I going to spend it on? Bills, of course. I'm not stupid.

How is that going to stimulate the economy?

ETA: Nice article in the Minnpost about it.

Holding pattern

A few updates, in case you care:

Work thing this past weekend went exceedingly well. A good time was had by all. Much was learned, including the meaning of the terms isthmus and vibraphone. Lovely, lovely time. The boss even came to visit to specifically ask about things, which I thought was very nice of her. She does try to keep our spirits up.

Have day-long meetings tomorrow so hope to glean more gossip about the impending firings. Am currently in a holding pattern. Have gathered letters of recommendation and updated the resume. Now it's wait-and-see for another couple of weeks. Am not so pumped about doing work for next year right now - I'm basically doing work for nothing, or someone else's gain. Yay! Morale is low. Really low. But some volunteers came in over the weekend and completely redid the break room as they know how things have been. That's nice. Little things help.

Randomness for the day: OK, was wondering why I was hearing voices and didn't think it was my subconscious. Although these days that wouldn't surprise me. Turns out there's a coupla guys in the courtyard outside my office window throwing around a really cool light-up Frisbee. Nice.

News Flash: Life Not So Bad After All

Today started crappily. Between the rain and cold, the early morning with little sleep, all the stuff I have to do, and my impending doom, I was not the happiest camper. Compounding my sorry state, The Issue got dredged up before the day was 45 minutes old and I was again explaining things with as little bitterness as I could manage to folks who didn't know the tale.

Thing is, I instantly had a good 20-25 people incensed on my behalf, to the point of bellering about starting petitions. They talked about how good I was at my job and how good I was for them specifically.

It was nice, and... well... sweet, really.

So I leave that little enclave, admittedly fairly close to teary, to go to onto my next mission of the day and I ran into my boss in the hall. We talked briefly about the big work thing I'm running over the weekend, and darned if she didn't wish me luck and give me a big hug.

*sigh*

Apparently I do some good in the world after all.

Bang on the drum all day

Today, I was at work for 13 hours straight. Yay! And much fun was had by all.

You do see the sarcastic slant of my handwriting there, don't you?

Much of the time was spent answering questions and trading rumors about the upcoming reduction in force. The place is going to look like a ripped open anthill; a third of us dead and the rest all scurrying around in an unreasoning panic. It has not been a good day.

It has not been a good few weeks. I can't focus. I wonder why. And I can't make myself plan ahead and do work for too much in advance, I mean, what's the likely hood that all my planning is for naught? Pretty darn good, I'd say.

Although it was nice to hear several people say that they were sorry, the place wouldn't be the same without me, I'm an asset, thank me for my work, etc. Silver lining. Silver lining.

This weekend will be work-filled as well. Am in charge of a fairly massive undertaking from about 6:45 Saturday morning through 'til Monday night. That too will be fun as all heck - acting peppy through all this has not been my favorite. I generally am better at focusing on other things and just letting stuff go but that hasn't been happening recently.

Need to stop brooding and get to bed. Bah. Humbug. Need to read more comics and get myself in a better mood.

Update for D...

...who is likely the only person who reads this.

*grin*

Let's see... what's new around here? Just my typical social butterfly weekend: Am going out to dinner tonight to some new place with an old friend. That'll be fun. Tomorrow am heading to B&Cs new place for dinner and cards, not that I know where they live. Best get on that. Need to do some hard core cleaning as might have something for work at my house Monday night. Cat peed on my sweatshirt again, so I'm thinking the litter needs to be on the list.

Have big stuff for work next weekend and need to make sure I'm ready for that as well... it's one of those projects where I'm sure I've forgotten something and that's what's making me crazy - that I can't recall what I've forgotten.

Speaking of work, it's been a bit rough lately. A HUGE reduction in force is coming. My building alone is losing somewhere around 29%. I'm quite likely to be on that list. Can't say as I'm so pumped about that. Rumors are flying - got a call last night from a colleague who was pretty irate that she was told her job would be changing. Used quite colorful language. One hopes she'll be OK. One hopes we'll all be OK. But it's not going to happen. Best case scenario: I'll still be there and my job will change. Much more likely: do you want fries with that?

There's not a ton that can be done about it. We don't have as much money coming in, costs have to be cut. That's simple economics. What pisses me off is that my department seems to be getting hit the hardest. Hard to tell how much of that is perception and how much is The Truth. It's also a bit rough that I work my butt off, am good at my job, am well liked, my bosses want to keep me, but I am likely to get cut anyway. Seniority hurts sometimes.

Have been thinking on how to make economies myself. Smaller apartment, no garage, cut out internet, no home phone and just keep the cell. But I don't want to do any of that. Shop more at Goodwill and consignment, which I tend to do anyway. Car is almost paid for, which is nice. Had a haircut today - which costs and arm and two legs, every 6-8 weeks. My cosmetologist said to let her know, and she and I can talk about how we can make things cheaper. I promised her I'd never fall in with evil companions and go to Great Clips. She laughed and said she'd hunt me down if I did.

Funny how a tiny little thing like that can make me feel better.

Anyway. That's depressing. What else...

Changed my computer wallpaper to a picture of my cats. Can't "p" again. Need to replace this keyboard but am too cheap, especially now. They're changing the carpeting in the hallways of my apartment building so my whole apartment smells like glue. The cats are going to get high pretty soon, unless they are already - L is already attempting to modify my post with her attention to the mouse and the keyboard. Already deleted several sentences; yay for the inventor of "undo." Designed a card for the selling crafts stuff thing I've been toying with. Dunno how serious I am about any of this but it's an exercise. Don't like the look of them but not sure what's bugging me. They look amateurish. paper is decent; maybe it's how they're cut. Idunno.

Went to the big jugglefest last weekend and got closer to learning to juggle. That's just about the best people watching on earth. Anything that includes combat juggling and unicycle hockey is bound to be good. I even got up on a unicycle myself and with C's help managed to get at least a half turn of the wheel before I fell off. Good times. And J didn't knock himself in a particularly sensitive place so hard he fell over and curled into a fetal position, like what happened last time I went. Life is good.

Enough babbling for now, doncha think? I'd best pet the cat and distract her before things really get out of hand...

My concerts are done. I could sing.

OK, that's an exaggeration. One more. And then I'm done. I can hardly wait.

Normal people don't get how much December sucks for musicians. We're constantly on the run. I'm just tired in general of being stressed. And tired. And cold, come to that. But it's been that kind of year. I'm in a lull between major projects. Things should get truly hideous right around the first of the year, lull again in early April, then suck through to June. Or something like that. The writers' strike is killing me. It would be nice to be able to watch decent - for lack of a better word - TV to relax. But no. We get such crapola as Gladiator. Who thinks of this junk? And PBS, as much as I love them, is in the middle of a fund drive. So the Roadshow and This Old House get preempted for the likes of stinkin' Andre Rieu, who I hate. *sigh* When you can't count on PBS, you can't count on nobody.

Anyway, concerts are almost done, shopping is almost done, wrapping is almost done, decorating is almost done, baking is almost done... huzzah. Cards need to occur. But it could be a whole lot worse. That aspect of stress at least is under control.

Tomorrow will be a relatively easy day at work. Most of my projects should involve sitting on my derrière and listening to other folks. Little thought or preparation involved for me. Hallelujah. My brain is starting to shut down. OK, wrong tense there. But you know. Going to have a review on Thursday, so need to prepare for that. But shouldn't be too bad.

And then there's today's puzzler: why do the cats, who have a perfectly good water bowl mind you, insist upon drinking from the humidifier basin whenever I take out the tank to refill it? Not to mention the little one, who persists in ripping my Santa window cling down so she can chew on it. Not making me happy. At least they haven't knocked the mini tree over in a few days. And they haven't ripped down any of the Christmas lights. Granted, December is still young.

OK, 9 p.m. and therefore time for bed. I don't get to bed by 9, I regret it the next day. Granted, I've been yawning since 6. Oh adventure, be my wild partner.

Song of the week: Coffee Shop. Yes, I know it's in a commercial. In spite of that, it's lovely. Sorry to not be able to link to the real vid - this was the best I could find on You Tube. I think I like his other stuff too. His music isn't deep, but it's decent. For what I've heard, Coffee Shop is my fave.

So my cat just lost my jump drive. That I got from work. Yesterday. *sigh* That's what I get for putting a nice tempting chord on the end of it. I now have three jump drives - one for work I just received, one work gave me in the bag of chords I also got yesterday to go with my other new computer toys (I think they'd forgotten they already gave me one), and the personal one I bought two years ago before work finally got with the times. Oh - two squirrels are chasing each other around the tree outside. Maybe this'll distract the cat enough to give me the opportunity I need... ah yes, there it is. Right under her butt. Lovely.

I got a bunch of toys yesterday, which was quite nice. The folks who organized these things did a great job idiot-proofing it all. The chords are labeled which end goes in to which end, we have instructions online, we practiced it in the lab at the office, etc. My problem is needing to write a grant and jump through a ton of hoops in order to get stuff I should be getting anyway. Drives me nuts.

Headed out to the Fair today. Met H and M at a park and ride at the U. H and I have been doing this almost every year for a long time. It was fun to have an 8 month old along - M especially liked the poultry barn. I didn't even get pooped on. The food was yummy as always. Had a deep fried candy bar, which I haven't had in a while. Mmm. Fried fruit was new this year, and different than I thought it would be. Decent, though. The fruit was a little tasteless. Lost something in the frying process. A cousin of mine entered knitted socks and won a blue ribbon, which is pretty cool. I'm happy for her. She makes awesome stuff, and deserves to be recognized. Someday, I hope to have both the guts and the skill to do that myself.

A sad little update - they think they've found everyone now and we're up to 13 dead. That plus the 7 dead in flooding this weekend makes for quite a couple of weeks around here. Between the drought, the floods, and the bridge, I wonder how much geography is currently listed as a federal disaster area.

The painters are still here, still sitting around on the steps of the building opposite, smoking (leaving butts everywhere of course), and making crude comments really loudly. Sure wish they'd get things done and go bother someone else.

Had a good time at the family reunion. Cousin of mine showed up unexpectedly, and it was nice having the prodigal back home. He stayed with his sister and drove up a little late, just to surprise them. Could only stay for a few hours as he had to fly out again. He made some serious points with his folks, that's for sure. Cold as heck, though. We baked last year and froze this. Ugh. Predictable, I suppose.

Song of the day: Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's. I know, I know, it's been everywhere lately. Boring. But I swear I liked it before it hit heavy rotation. Combo of acoustic guitar and strings, I think. Gets me every time.

Happy first day of summer!

It's been a good day. Very little happened, really, which makes for a very good day. ;) Went into work this morning but it was only for some planning time. So nice, to actually have the luxury to plan and prepare and revise and think - with colleagues and on "company time" to boot.

Decided to do some leisurely shopping afterwards as I was in the area. Just meandered around, no rush. Again, nice to be able to do stuff just to do it, with no time pressure or stress about what all has to get done. Got lunch and headed home to eat out on my patio and read a book. It's comfortable today - somewhere in the 70s with a little light rain here or there. Very nice.

Oh - a butterfly just flitted onto my window screen. Monarch, I think. Nice little thing. Had a bird up in one of my plants hanging outside yesterday - drove the cats bonkers.

Not a bad summer solstice...

Not much going on the past week, which in many ways is exactly how I like it. Had training for work on Monday and Tuesday, which wasn't as boring as it could have been. We actually got some stuff done the afternoon of the second day, although we were pretty punchy by that time. Thursday was yet another local festival - celebrating potatoes (don't ask). Quite the parade - high school marching band sure has changed since I was in school. Very elaborate routines, more like college bands. But competition is fierce around here, and the kids are stepping up to the plate. Saturday was fun - the annual party out at L4's. My guy friends have still not yet grasped that they aren't 16 anymore, so watching them run around was a good time. I'm sure they paid for it on Sunday. This week holds more meetings for work on Thursday and B coming into town for her brother's wedding on Friday but that's about it. Mmmm... laziness. Gotta love it. Maybe I'll manage to get the house a little clean... nah. ;)

Today, I had an adventure.

Yet another one of my colleagues is retiring, and today was his last day. Besides his job with us, he is a licensed pilot and flight instructor. To celebrate the end of his career, he said he'd take up anyone who wanted to go. Of course, I was in. What fun!

We all met at the airport. Tiny little thing, full of recreational fliers, a helicopter pad, some other stuff that I have no idea about. In spite of growing up around here and driving by any number of times, it was my first time actually on the grounds of this airport. Our Cessna would hold 4 at a time (including the pilot), so we waited our turns in the sunshine and thought about how much better this was than work. All I needed was a hammock.

Then it was my turn. I got to sit in the co-pilot seat up front, so I got a headset. How interesting! I got to listen to the control tower talk to us and give instructions to all the other little airplanes up around us. How they keep everything straight is just amazing, and this is a small airport.

And what there was in front of me! Bells and whistles and dials and knobs and pedals and steering bars. I kept my hands in my lap and feet close to my seat - no need to risk bumping who knows what by accident and bringing down the plane and all of us with it. *grin* Again, how on earth do you keep all of that straight? How the jet pilots do it, especially the international ones, I will never know.

Soon, we were cleared for takeoff. We taxied around to the front of our runway and with a last stop to check to make sure everything was working, we took a run for it and flung ourselves into the air.

We first buzzed our workplace - how little, yet how sprawling all at the same time. We then followed the river to downtown. The railroad yard looked like it contained a Lionel set, while it was fun to see from above how the river snakes through the trees. Downtown looked pretty awesome from up there with the few buildings growing up from the rest, the stadium a clear reference point, albeit an ugly one. One of the most interesting things to me was seeing all the water towers in the communities surrounding us; from our viewpoint just so many blue obelisks rising from the forest floor. We traveled back, naming lakes, seeing the hospital campus, with a few last bumps in the turbulence over the trees at the edge of the airfield.

It's been a good day.

Tomorrow may be more adventures - there's a couple of local bands I want to go see, and a local Italian institution will be closing soon and I'd like to eat there once before they go. In any case, it's almost Saturday. Huzzah!

I believe I may just be the happiest person on Planet Earth.

Today, my colleagues and I decided to play hooky. Well, not really, we only had a half-day today, but it felt like playing hooky.

We went boating. It was a joy.

There we were, out in the sunshine, out on the lake, beer in our hands, and surveying our kingdom. 1 p.m. on a Thursday. It just plain doesn't get any better than that.

We do have to go back to work tomorrow, which doesn't make me the happiest, but we did have one glorious day of peace and tranquility.

Oh - and we saw loons. A momma, a daddy, and two babies. One baby was riding on his mommy's back. SO cute!

Life is a funny thing.

It twists and turns, bends and leaps, loops and whirls, winds around, skips steps, and doubles back upon itself. It's both a Möbius strip and a freeway in Nebraska. Funny stuff, life.

I just got back from a party. A retirement party, to be exact. It was a fun night, a fun celebration.

Now what you have to remember is that I'm pretty new in my job, finishing up my first year. So everything is new. Expect when it's exactly the same.

Turns out I just spent the evening with an odd combination of people. There were colleagues I just met this year and people who've known me for a good 20 years, since I was a kid. Twists and turns and loops and doubling back.

I was born in a medium-sized Midwestern city, grew up, moved out, and moved on. Went to college in another medium-sized Midwestern town, worked for ten years in a third. And now I'm back where it all began, about 15 years after I last lived here full time. My mentors are now my colleagues. Déjà vu all over again.

Whoever it was that said that the more things change, the more they stay the same, really knew what the hell they were talking about.

Do you ever, as an adult, feel like you're really still pretending at this grown-up thing, playing dress-up, as it were? I know I do, all the time. There's no way I can be this old when I swear I feel the same way I did at 16.

But I really don't feel the same as I did at 16, and I know I don't. My perspectives have changed so much. The same tendencies are there, but I've... sharpened, I guess. Focused. I've grown, and changed, and thank God for it. But a lot of things feel the same.

There were quite a few people in the room tonight who had known me as a kid, and remembered me from then. They, plus the others who didn't make it tonight, have been so helpful, so gracious to the former brat they knew. They've spoken highly of me both in front of my face and behind my back. I've gotten handshakes, smiles of welcome, offers of help, hugs.

The fact that so many have remembered me from way back when, even when they were not directly associated with me at the time, shocks me still. It makes me wonder about what reputation I had that I didn't know about then, how that's affecting me now, and how smart of a move this really was, coming home.

So here I am as a theoretical adult, trying to carve my way in this new job, in this new - yet old - community, to find my place. I want to appear intelligent, to not be a burden, to darn well see to it that my name is associated with quality and competence and knowledge and creativity. I want to earn respect.

Can I really live up to this? Or am I just a mediocre thinker with a mediocre life, doing my best to fake proficiency and not get found out?

What am I trying to say with all this? Darned if I know. This whole new job, while I'm pretty sure I like it and I'm pretty sure it was truly the right move for me at the right time, has been pretty surreal.

I guess it's just the same old wish to leave the world better than I found it, to be what I'm destined to be. I just have to sometimes take a minute to wonder where on earth I am and if I'm going the right way.

Life should be a verb. It should also be a rumination.



Today's song: How to Save a Life by The Fray. That's my job, right there in a nutshell.